The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants
The Millennial “Meet-Cute”
There are some men you meet on Tinder and some on cobblestone streets at night in Shoreditch in London.
Which one out of those two do you think has a greater likelihood of actually being your soulmate?
I took a quick pause from partying with friends on a multicoloured dance floor with a mirrored ceiling and needed a “smoke break.”
I had one hand holding my paper smoking instrument of choice, and my other hand was deep in my purse, hunting for a lighter. A beautiful man crossed the quiet London street diagonally towards me. Before I knew it, I had a lit flame before my very own two eyes.
The metaphor you see in that sentence is precisely what it truly was in real life.
I am celibate. I have been celibate since May of this year. I got out of a pretty rocky relationship with a man who was so fearful of calling it just that but seemed much less afraid of attempting to get me pregnant.
At a time when Roe v. Wade has been reversed in the United States, I say that with a cognisance of the female plight worldwide.
As we speak, women are protesting for their freedoms in Iran. As we speak, they are losing their lives for this exact act that is a cornerstone of every functioning governmental system.
Love Is a Life Force
Love is a life force. It is the energy and currency that life really provides. Love is everything good in this world and is directly tied to a lot that is bad. Love will have you running for your life in a foreign country because you know you need to hug someone again someday.
Love can get you through torture. Physical torture.
Love can get you through imprisonment, false, inhumane or otherwise.
Love is really the most powerful force I know of in the world.
I love Tupac Amaru Shakur. And I don’t ever disagree with him on anything, except there is one conversation I repeatedly engage in with his spirit regarding the power of fear versus love.
Pac believes that fear is more potent than love. He even is quoted saying that we should “remember” that. I know there is a lot of merit to that statement, but as a woman, I believe the opposite is true.
But you see, I have made this mistake before. In undergrad, I disagreed (mentally) with my highly esteemed professor, who stated that “the international system is anarchic in nature because human beings are naturally selfish.”
I instantly said, “I disagree.”
Well, I said this in my mind, of course. This was possibly the first sentence to come out of his mouth in this class. But, because I trusted his expertise on the subject matter of political science so much, I told myself to keep an open mind.
I realised something recently.
He was correct.
To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.”―
The Absence of “Human” in “Human Nature”
The reason why I disagreed with him was that I personally am not selfish. That is not at all how I am designed.
But others… the majority of human beings on this planet…?
Years later, I can say, “Yes, professor, you are 100% right… humans are very naturally selfish by nature.”
Our society is a misogynistic patriarchal running machine. Individuals in 2022 are actually culpable of having offspring for “the gram,”. I would argue that perhaps one of the worst pandemics we have experienced globally since roughly 2016 is a “patriarchy pandemic”. Men are collecting access to women’s most innermost private geographies to gain power and status for some new Givenchy shoes.
Clarity Lessons From Celibacy
Sex is an exchange of energy. It is an energetic experience that takes place in our most connective areas. These regions of the human body are directly connected to intimacy, clarity of mind, spirit, soul and consciousness.
I have realised many things with this period of celibacy. I have been celibate before, the last time during my 20s for a few years. Still, this time is notably different for a few very notable reasons. I will keep those to myself for now. But what is absolutely clear this time is who I am, what I have experienced in this life, and what is important to me this time.
The Importance of “Snacks”
The man with the lit flame on the cobblestone street in Shoreditch was with me when I created The Child-Centric Framework, CCF. His support was instrumental and particularly clutch in that theory’s creation. CCF is a theory for promoting children’s rights that I created while studying Human Rights at UCL.
He was there when I cried about the pressure of creating such a comprehensive theoretical framework. He was the first person to contact me after I submitted it on September 1, 2011, and ask, “How did it go?” and, “How are we celebrating?”
And celebrate we did.
We organised our relationship around CCF. He always ensured that I had the appropriate caffeinated drinks, snacks, and occasionally water because that’s what someone who loves you does.
The dude I broke it off with at the beginning of 2022 who was trying (and failing) to impregnate me…?
He never once brought snacks. Never Settle… EVER!
I have a crush on someone. It’s a new thing. It feels very familiar, like, hella junior high school style, but I have a crush on someone.
It does not take away from my love for the man I met on the cobblestone street in Shoreditch, but I do have a crush.
Now that I have lived solely in my chosen energy over these past months, I am in direct contact with my inner child.
I can hear her clearly, and I care for her anytime she needs or wants anything.
The man I have a crush on makes much more sense for my future than the man I was seeing who always showed up snackless.
I knew that the man I saw recently was wrong for me. I knew things were going on that I didn’t like. Some I found out about, some I did not.
I also knew that many men in 2022 are running rampant with the false notion that women are somehow “less than” or “proprietary.”
And I also knew there was a man out there who cared. He cared if I had the right snacks to get through a long night of dissertation research followed by an even longer day of writing at the SOAS Library.
You can’t compare a man who can give you 11 orgasms in a single session to one who does a “good” job but sticks to 3 positions and refuses to call an intimate relationship exactly that.
There is no comparison.
The Beautiful Power of Knowing Your Worth
So yes, love is out there… but it is also very much… inside of you.
You do not need a man to love you correctly to be the person you want to be. You do not need a partner to complete what God created as its own entity.
And you certainly don’t need a dude who doesn’t even offer snacks when there are men out there who will light up your heart for decades.
The power is yours and has been all along.
The Disney films lied to you. Prince Charming doesn’t show up when you cry from behind a window, peering out at the world taking place below.
You show up and get involved.
You show up and decide to live the life you want, irrespective of what anyone else thinks.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
And when you finally take a step back to hear what your heart is saying, I can guarantee you, you probably won’t even be that surprised…
And you will be filled with love.
This week marks Mental Health Awareness Week 2023, and it's an important time to reflect on the progress we have made in understanding and accepting mental health issues. For many, including myself, depression and anxiety are an all-too-familiar reality. I've been...
Shannon Valentine We all have an inner voice that speaks to us constantly. Sometimes it can be our best friend, guiding us through difficult times. Unfortunately, it can also be our worst enemy, tearing us down and making us doubt ourselves with every decision we...
Jennifer Sizeland The effects of NPD may last far beyond your childhood. While the impact of problematic parenting styles on children is often discussed, adults who continue to feel the impact of being raised by narcissistic parents can be overlooked. It is not known...