Mastering the Art of the F*ckboy: Learnings from my Life and Dating Shows
Written by Shannon Valentine
Shannon ValentineIn light of dating shows such as Love Island and Netflix phenomenons like Love is Blind, I found myself thinking about my personal experiences with the infamous ‘f*ckboy’ species.
In my late teenage years, my naive mind never realised how much of an arse some guys could be until that definition was implemented. In my early twenties, I lived through the trend of guys picking up a girl just to drop them, almost as if it was a challenge to win. It’s a vicious cycle once they set their sights on the next fresh prey – a naive 18-year-old ready to fall at their feet. Now we have dating shows televising it and Netflix commissioning it.
Phrases such as ‘When am I seeing you then’ or ‘You’re mine’ are decoded into ‘When are we going to have sex?’ and ‘I don’t want you, but no one else can have you either.’ I know how to spot the signs, but somehow, I will almost always get caught out by a f*ckboy.
Dating often feels like a game of whack-a-mole; as soon as you get rid of one f*ckboy, another one pops up. I guess I need to re-evaluate my approach.
I can’t help but be the girl next door
I am very much a sensitive soul when it comes to sexual relationships. I can’t give it up without sneaking my heart into the offering, too – hoping they don’t notice when it shatters on the floor. I admire powerful women who can put those suffocating emotions aside for fun. Still, I sadly don’t have the capacity.
What happened to turning up at the girl’s house, getting interrogated by her father and then wining and dining her all evening? Perhaps I’m old-fashioned. I admire the older generation and their passion for impressing the person they are courting. It’s slightly more appealing than buying me a drink in a random club as a route for immediate sex.
2 Am is not ‘cuddle o’clock’
I knew that before I drove in the middle of the night to kiss a boy I barely knew when I was 22. I knew of his sexual expectations, but I turned up the radio to drown them out.
To be honest, I’m not very good at communicating with the opposite sex, especially if I find them attractive. I realised this when I was 17, and the only thing I could tell the guy I fancied was that I liked his socks. Yet, I can provide my friends with excellent advice about handling men. It comes so naturally to me, and I sense what they are doing before they even begin to mess with their minds. Doing as I say, not as I do, is true here.
Admitting defeat
I’m scared of the exhaustion that goes hand in hand with heartbreak. This is probably why I find myself attracted to these juveniles because I can already predict the outcome. I can prepare myself for their disappointing behaviour, and it doesn’t hurt as much when you can see it in the distance. You feel more in control that way… somehow.
While it wasn’t an evening of promise, it opened my eyes to the games that we play. I had an idea of what I was getting myself into, yet I still drove at 2 AM on a school night to see a mediocre man who I didn’t really care for. What was I thinking? I wanted to convince myself that I was in control – that I was desirable – when, in fact, I was the weakest link. Lesson learned. Subject appreciated. No more f*ckboys for me.
Once a bad boy, always a bad boy
F*ckboys will never define anything and will always leave you confused, thinking about the ‘what if?’.
They come in different forms too. But, the ‘bad boy’ is the one all girls will experience. Ah, the bad boy. You can’t change him, and you won’t be the answer to his problems, either. You can’t fix his bad boy ways and make him a better man (as much as you may try), and you will always end up with a broken heart. Always.
Nothing will ever change; the sooner you realise it, the better. Getting them out of your life now rather than later is better! Bad boys can go on for years, the relentless b*stards.
F*ckboy survival tips
Don’t text first
I believe in equal effort. If he is messaging only if you make contact, he doesn’t care and never will. Suck it up.
Don’t send nudes … even if he begs
As much as they hide it, f*ckboys are desperate for attention. They feed their f*ckboy ways with pics from all the girls they’re messaging. For every picture you send, he’s getting ten more from other girls.
… especially if he tries to make you feel guilty!
If a guy ever tries to make me feel like I have to send him a picture to grab his attention, he’s a f*ckboy. I want a guy who can converse for at least five minutes before he drops the wink emoji.
Broken promises are his thing
It is always the situation. You’ve been talking back and forth for months but haven’t arranged to meet. He may ask you out if you mention it, but it won’t ever happen. And he always has an excuse for why he has to move the, never gonna happen, date.
His friends are the same!
A group of f*ckboys encouraging each other? Save yourself.
He’s messaging and flirting whilst in a relationship
If he can do it to her, he’ll definitely do it to you.
Typically, the girlfriend (who you’d probably get along with in another situation) is guaranteed to hate you instead of him, even though he does all the talking. What a waste of what could’ve been a beautiful friendship! You’ve seen it in every Love Island re-coupling. The bitter cycle never ends.
The “wanna come over and watch Netflix?” F*ckboy
They have a sixth sense. They know precisely when you’re beginning to forget about them and move on, and that’s when they sneak back in with a cheeky text! They know you’ll come running without a second thought.
For me, they were so last year. I don’t know about you, but I can’t be bothered for the chase unless I’m the prize.
Gentlemen do still exist, and I will wait patiently for mine. After all, why struggle with a Mr Big when you can trust an Aiden?
During E22 of the Women Who Rebrand Podcast, LalalaLetMeExplain, dating expert and author, offers humorous and relatable perspectives on avoiding f*ckboys. She encourages us to do the work before diving into the dating pool and offers tips on ensuring we’re in the best possible position for finding love.
Tune in to gain insight into recognising those red and green flags while dating.
Starting a new relationship can be incredibly exciting. You may find yourself texting and video calling each other constantly, and when you’re together, the chemistry is electric.
But over time, things can start to feel different. The butterflies may not be fluttering as much, and the rainbows might have faded away. Your partner might seem distant or like they’ve changed from who they were when you first met them. It’s normal to wonder if things will ever return to how they were or if it’s time to move on from this relationship. You know deep down what the right decision is for you – but sometimes it’s hard to make that call.
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