Breaking the Narcissistic Mother Cycle for Future Generations E47
Welcome to episode 47 of Women Who Rebrand! Join Sareta and her special guest, Harriet Shearsmith, Author, Blogger and Podcaster, as they delve into narcissistic mother and adult-daughter dynamics.
Harriet knows the challenges of navigating estrangement, toxic family dynamics, and setting boundaries. She created Unfollowing Mum, a podcast for those wanting to break the cycle of generational trauma and how to finally put themselves first.
Tune in to this episode of Women Who Rebrand to hear her harrowing story of growing up with a mother who has narcissistic traits, parental alienation, the impact of emotional abuse as an adult, and practical advice on healing after going no contact.
Not only is the episode available on all great podcast platforms, but the full visual episode is available to watch on YouTube.
Fully Subtitled Visual Episode
Audio available on all great platforms
Narcissistic Mother and Adult Daughter Relationships
The relationship between a narcissistic mother and her adult daughter can be complex and challenging. Narcissistic mothers are characterised by their excessive need for attention, lack of empathy, and tendency to manipulate and control those around them. These traits can profoundly impact the relationship between a mother and her daughter, mainly as the daughter grows into adulthood and begins to assert her independence.
For many daughters of narcissistic mothers, the relationship is one of constant tension and struggle. The mother may be critical and demanding, using guilt and manipulation to keep her daughter under her control. The daughter may feel trapped, unable to break free from her mother’s hold and assert her needs and desires.
One of the most challenging aspects of this type of relationship is the mother’s tendency to view her daughter as an extension of herself rather than a separate and independent individual. This can lead to enmeshment, where the daughter feels she has no boundaries or autonomy.
The daughter may also struggle with feelings of guilt and obligation towards her mother, as the mother may have instilled in her a sense of duty and responsibility for meeting her emotional needs. This can be particularly difficult if the daughter neglects her needs and desires to meet her mother’s demands.
Despite these challenges, daughters of narcissistic mothers can break free from this pattern of behaviour and establish healthier, more fulfilling relationships with their mothers. This often involves setting firm boundaries and asserting one’s own needs and desires, even in the face of resistance from the mother.
Understanding a Narcissistic Mother: Recognising Common Behaviours
Lack of Empathy
A narcissistic mother may dismiss her child’s feelings, telling them to “stop being so sensitive” or “just get over it”. She may also criticise or belittle her child’s emotions, making them feel like their feelings are not valid.
Need for Attention
They may constantly demand attention and praise from their child, making them feel like they are never good enough. She may also become jealous or angry if her child receives attention from someone else, even a friend or family member.
Narcissistic mothers may try to control every aspect of their child’s life, from clothing choices to career paths. She may also use threats or punishment to force her child to comply with her wishes.
She may manipulate her child to do what she wants, such as guilt-tripping or emotional blackmail. She may also play the victim or use flattery to get her child to comply.
They may create an enmeshed relationship with her child, expecting the child to fulfil all her emotional needs. She may also discourage the child from developing their identity or pursuing their interests.
A narcissistic mother may project her own flaws and insecurities onto her child, making the child feel like they are responsible for her problems. She may also take credit for the child’s successes, viewing them as extensions of herself rather than separate individuals.
These traits can have a significant impact on a child’s development. They can lead to long-lasting emotional and psychological damage. Children of narcissistic mothers need to seek support and resources to help them overcome these effects and establish healthy, fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.
Should you Cut Contact with a Narcissistic Parent?
Cutting contact with a narcissistic mother may be the only choice for some. It can be a difficult decision, but it is often necessary for the mental and emotional well-being of the daughter. However, it is essential to note that going no contact may not be the right choice for every daughter, as it can have significant consequences for other family members and relationships.
One of the biggest challenges of going no contact with a narcissistic mother is the guilt and shame that may come with it. The daughter may feel as though she is abandoning her mother or that she is being disloyal to her family. These feelings can be extreme if other family members are pressuring her to maintain contact with the mother or if they do not understand the nature of the mother’s behaviour.
In some cases, other family members may also be toxic or enablers of the mother’s behaviour. This can make it even more difficult for the daughter to establish healthy boundaries and maintain no contact with the mother. Family members may try to guilt or pressure the daughter into re-establishing contact with the mother or attempt to act as intermediaries between the two.
If this is the case, it may be necessary for the daughter to set boundaries with other family members and distance herself from those who are not supportive of her decision to go no contact. This can be a painful and challenging process, as it may involve cutting ties with people who have been a part of the daughter’s life for a long time.
Ultimately, the decision to go no contact with a narcissistic mother is a personal one, and each daughter must weigh the pros and cons for herself. Going no contact is not a sign of weakness or failure but a necessary step towards healing and self-care. With the proper support and resources, daughters can overcome the challenges of going no contact and establish healthy, fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.
Do you have a narcissistic parent? If so, you may be familiar with the cycle of forming relationships with people who have the same traits. You may not know that you carry the same patterns, but it’s important to understand what’s happening and why.
During episode 37 of Women Who Rebrand, Sareta was joined by Empath & Narcissist Expert, Psychotherapist, and Wellbeing Consultant, Keeley Taverner. To gain insight into narcissistic relationships and your role within them, tune in to learn more.
She would rather lose the relationship than lose control of her Daughter” – Harriet Shearsmith, Author, Blogger, and Podcaster
She is passionate about building a supportive and knowledgeable community where people can come together to learn, grow, and live their lives as they deserve. Her goal is to let people know that they are not alone.
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Harriet Shearsmith is an Author, Blogger and Podcaster.
She runs the popular Toby & Roo blog from the comfort of her own home in Yorkshire. Her inspiring hacks and tips are a breath of fresh air in the world of parenting, helping busy working mums make the most of each day.
Harriet’s book, Mummin’ It: Tips, Hacks & Advice on the Wins and Woes of Modern Motherhood, celebrates imperfect motherhood. She offers advice and time-saving tricks for busy parents, from creating age-appropriate chores to establish independence in your children to figuring out what to cook on a wet Wednesday! Packed with hacks for Food, Home, Travel, Body & Beauty and Life, ‘Mummin’ It’ is the go-to guide for mastering the art of modern parenting.
Her new podcast Unfollowing Mum guides those struggling with toxic families, estrangement and emotional abuse. Experts, people with lived experience, and other cycle breakers join her weekly to provide diverse perspectives.
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